Stole-Earned List Poem
I stole my entire English vocabulary from a guy named Larry.
I earned all my five syllable and larger words.
I stole all the Rs from the Japanese language.
I earned all the umlauts above German letters.
I stole all the spare tires from fat people.
I earned a get-out-of-calories-free card from a chocolate eclair.
I stole all the plastic straws in the North American continent.
I earned a county in the Texas sized whorl of plastic in the Pacific.
I stole all the cottonwood fluffs floating above the Rio Grande Valley.
I earned an air-cannon fired t-shirt that was two sizes too small.
I stole all the green television pixels so there would be no yellow.
I earned all the green tattoos under my skin.
I stole a loaf of french bread unaware of Les Misérables.
I earned eight-two cents selling eight-two thoughts to strangers.
I stole a march on Robert E. Lee, but no one notice
since I was not registered on any order of battle posted during the war.
I earned a scolding from John Rawlins
when I offered Ulysses S. Grant a bottle of Kentucky’s finest Bourbon.
copyright © 2018 Kenneth P. Gurney
Note to readers: John Rawlins was Grant’s chief of staff and dedicated himself to keeping Grant sober.
